May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
