Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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