He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
