found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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