why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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