So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
