yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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