My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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