Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
