That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
