and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my vag is so smooth its legendary
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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