then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
