Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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