yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
