$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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