I'm lost and stupid without you.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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