??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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