i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
