Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
