Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
