ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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