Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
