And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
