she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
