Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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