There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
