One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
