I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
