His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
