i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
