It's like God shit irony all over that family
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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