Christians are straight up FREAKS
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
