$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize