So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
