Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My feet surprised me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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