Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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