the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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