Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
