I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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