i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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