Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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