woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
