I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
