He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
