he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
