thus making me awesome and them whores
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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