I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Mom said you looked used
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize