Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
