I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
