i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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