...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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