Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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