she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
