if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
