At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
