Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
meet me or not, i'm out of control
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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