Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
