just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
