i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
