I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
