Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
