I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
