I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize