I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
