Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
