i barfeds in our rink
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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