Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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