We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
