Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
