I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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