my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just pee around me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize