well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
