Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize