I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
