True but thats because hes a fetus.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
