I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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