The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
