I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
