My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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