watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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