Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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