Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
