can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
