my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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