Have you finally orgasmed yet?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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