and she was petting her beer can
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
