if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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