He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
