I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
