i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
