my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
