if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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