I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize