so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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