waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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