It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
