3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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