Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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