three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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