she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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