he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize