Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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