I accidentally had phone sex last night
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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