and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
