So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
