he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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