I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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