How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
